YOU LOOK PRETTY GOOD FOR A CORPSE: Cancelled daytime TV favorites reborn online

Reunited and it feels so good

It was very exciting to welcome back the legendary ABC daytime soaps “All My Children” and “One Life to Live” as they were reborn as online original productions yesterday.

I thought “OLTL”, in particular, was fantastic – a great mix of new and old, fast-paced, and funny.  I immediately wanted to watch the next episode.  I was less enthused about “AMC”.  Not only did the production fail to sign far too many of its core cast – no Susan Lucci, no Michael Knight – all of the new, younger performers were just dreadful.  Didn’t help that the writing was pretty bad with the veterans handling it the best of course.

Over at “OLTL” the writing can be very awkward at moments, as can some of the shooting choices but those can be fixed easily enough as everyone behind the scenes acclimates to a new production.

Another minor quibble: the new intros, especially that of “AMC”, look cheap to me.  Those are the only visual cues to me that indicate we’re not on network television anymore.

Overall, I think the two soaps returned in the exact condition in which they left: “OLTL” was the best it had been in years at the time of its cancellation and “AMC” was kind of a mess and had been for some time.  Still, I lost track of the number of times I smiled watching the first episodes of the resurrected shows.  Years from now when the entire daytime soap model has migrated to the internet I’ll be proud to be able to say I watched these two favorites on the day they went online.  It really felt like being a part of history.  This is the future: daytime anytime.  I’d say the future is looking pretty good.

TV WILL ROT YOUR BRAIN!: Forgotten but not gone; relive the so-called terror of television’s first “Bates Motel”

Are you crazy for all things “Psycho”?

Does the inexplicable success of  “Bates Motel”, A&E’s new prequel/reboot/sequel series whose conceit seemingly posits legendary cinematic serial killer and shower enthusiast Norman Bates as some sort of homicidal Benjamin Button who grows younger and less murderous with time, have you craving more, much like the exquisite sharpness of the knife blade craves the delicate, unexplored terrain of the flesh?

Well don’t fly into a rage because there happens to be a long-forgotten entry to the PEU – Psycho Expanded Universe – a heretofore unrealized commodity that already includes a couple of dud theatrical sequels, an earlier cable prequel movie and, of course, Gus Van Sant’s still-baffling 1997 shot-for-shot remake that proved even Vince Vaugh couldn’t out creep Anthony Perkins as cinema’s most notorious Mama’s Boy.

Ladies, Gentlemen and Chris Brown: The Internet (via YouTube) proudly presents “Bates Motel”.  No, not that “Bates Motel”, THAT “Bates Motel”

Confused yet?

Let me take a stab at explaining: In 1987, NBC executives were, apparently, so enamored by the quote-on-quote success of the movie-branded, syndicated horror anthology, “Friday the 13^th: The Series” (which foreshadowed the soon-to-debut “Freddy’s Nightmares”, a “Nightmare On Elm Street” cash-in) they decided that network television was ready for its own horror-branded addition.

Thus was born the first “Bates Motel”, a two-hour pilot movie for a proposed series that NBC opted not to proceed with.

Much like the recent NBC airing of “Mockingbird Lane”, a failed reboot attempt for “The Munsters”, NBC decided to air the rejected pilot as a movie of the week because, why not.  History’s original “Bates Motel” had only the most tangential connection to Hitchcock’s landmark 1960 thriller – it’s lead character, Alex West, portrayed by “Harold & Maude” star Bud Cort (!), was established as the one time asylum roommate of Norman Bates who inherited the lethal lodgings from Norman after his death.

The series would have featured a different horrorish story checking in to the titular accommodations each week with Harold, I mean Alex, around to frame the proceedings while, apparently, making ludicrous, winking remarks about his time as the psychopathic Bates’ BFF.

Yep, it was every bit as good and misguided as it sounds and television audiences, when faced with the choice of tuning in for the experiment or snuffing out any chances of a last minute reprieve with complete indifference, chose the latter.

And that would have been the bloody but beautiful end of the story had it not been for A&E executives deciding that “Duck Dynasty” would best be complimented by a flagrant attempt to cash in on one existing brand, that of “Psycho”, by aping another (“Twin Peaks”) brand.

So, much like the pieces of your obsession can please you long after you have extinguished their light and sewn them into your skin suit, the original “Bates Motel” continues to haunt on YouTube.  Check it out here at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJsjIjguG9M

Me Eating Pop Eating Itself: SUP, SPOTIFY PLAYLIST? HOW YOU DOIN?

You want to know what I really think of the songs on my Spotify “Housecleaning Mix”?  Fine.  Just don’t blame me when they end up stuck in your head.

“SCREAM AND SHOUT”, will.i.am featuring Britney Spears:

I generally do my best to ignore the “music” of will.i.am. but I cannot deny the charms of this infectious club stomper. When an unsurprisingly auto-tuned Britney declares “When we up in the club – all eyes on us, all eyes on us…” it’s both an observation and a command. A command to surrender to the robotic, candy-coated beat. This song makes me feel gayer.

“MIRRORS”, Justin Timberlake:

JT splits the difference between earlier smash “What Goes Around…Comes Around” and his safer, boy band instincts on this second single from this month’s long-awaited “The 20/20 Experience”. It’s unexpectedly epic, unapologetically saccharine and unmistakably Justin. It may not tread any new ground but it certainly proves Justin hasn’t lost his ability to gussy up his R&B influences with enough pop panache to please the masses.

“SUIT & TIE”, Justin Timberlake featuring Jay-Z:

With its rote 70s soul flourishes and surprisingly underwhelming Jay-Z cameo, “Suit & Tie” proves, at first listen, to be far less earth-shattering than the sum of its parts – an oddity of a lead single. But just like the less accessible moments of JT’s “FutureSex/LoveSounds”, it begs for repeat listening. The suavity of his falsetto as it grooves along a refreshingly unadorned arrangement will have you humming along and tapping your toes in no time. He’s not necessarily bringing sexy back with this one but when he asks you to let him “show you a few things about love”, think of it as the multi-media darling’s way of very sweetly asking you out on a date. The real show – the date itself or, in this case, forthcoming album, is yet to come. “Suit & Tie” is foreplay, plain and simple – it’s titillating enough but leaves you wanting more. Now that’s a leadoff single.

“TROUBLEMAKER”, Olly Murs:

“Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad?” sings UK talent-show export Olly Murs as he attempts his own British Invasion. Also not a bad way to sum up a track that cribs it’s driving riff from Maroon 5’s “Misery” and its vocal inspiration from that same group’s not-as-cute-and-soulful-as-he-thinks-he-is Adam Levine. Still, Murs’ earnestness combined with Flo Rida’s groovilicious cameo and a certain disco majesty in the faux string embellishments elevate this one above the category of retread.

“I DON’T DANCE”, Lucas Grabeel and Corbin Bleu:

Disney HAS to know what it’s doing. There’s no other explanation for this. The ubiquitous “High School Musical” franchise has already given us Zac Efron – a performer seemingly created out of the fantasies of gay men – and on this official remix, Disney gives us the sound of HSM mainstays and Tiger Beat-faves Lucas Grabeel and Corbin Bleu fighting their attraction to each other while using baseball/dancing as a metaphor for homosexual attraction. Aside from that, Grabeel and Bleu show some truly smooth vocal stylings in this track co-written by in-house Disney uber-producer Robbie Nevil. Nevil is, of course, better known to this target demographic’s parents as the blue-eyed soul singer behind such 80s and 90s hits as “C’est la vie” and “Just Like You” – both of which are echoed in the chorus of this highlight of the otherwise bland HSM2 soundtrack.

“JUST GIVE ME A REASON”, Pink featuring Nate Ruess

Sometimes knowing the real-life inspiration behind a song can add some emotional heft to an already moving song. Case-in-point: Pink’s “Just Give Me A Reason”, a duet with fun. frontman Nate Ruess that references the early marital troubles and triumphs of Pink and Carey Hart. The jaggedness of Pink’s familiar rasp and Ruess’ flawless emo delivery combine for this heart-wrenching account of lovers losing each other and finding each other again – just like the pop chanteuse and her motorbike-riding hubby who have overcome those early difficulties and become parents.

“DANCE AGAIN”, Jennifer Lopez featuring Pitbull

If only the Auto-Tune sanding that’s shaving the edges off J-Lo’s typically thin vocals could buff away Pitbull’s typical crudeness. It wouldn’t really save this by-the-numbers, wannabe club anthem. Even through the layers of production, J-Lo, you and your reliably sleazy cohort struggle to sound as though your hearts are in it